Eyes Wide Open

"Words can be a sword to the heart... Sometimes there's truth in them.  Sometimes there isn't.  Go over what [was] said to you.  If there's any truth in it, you'll have to decide what to do with it.  As to the rest, try to let it go."

I read these words in a novel last week.  Little did I know they would be advice for me this week.

On Sunday, someone visiting at church wrote a note to Richard and I and asked us to read it together, understanding it was meant in love.  I won't go into detail about the note, but will say that it mentioned observations of our parenting style that had been made on a few visits to the congregation.  It also had advice, as this individual stated she had successfully raised 9 children of her own and has helped others with their children.

I'm not going to lie.  My reaction to her letter was not Christ-like in the beginning.  At first I was defensive.  That's not us.  She's got it all wrong.  We've got to tell her what was really going on.  She doesn't even know.  Then, I was embarrassed.  If a complete stranger thinks that of us, what do others think?  Then, I was angry.  Who does she think she is, writing a note like that?!  She didn't even bother to introduce herself to me!  She didn't even get to know us before doing that!  What gall!  Then, I was sad.  I can't believe someone would think that of us.  We're trying so hard to be good parents and set a good example.  I thought we were doing the right thing.  Then, I was doubtful.  Is she right?  Are we doing things the wrong way with Reagan?  Have I had it all wrong all this time?

The more that I thought about the note, the more concerned I got about my parenting decisions, the more I began to worry about what I was teaching my son by some of my choices with him.  I cried a good bit of the way home, going over my choices in my head.  Then, the quote from my novel came back to my mind. Words can be a sword to the heart... Sometimes there's truth in them.  Sometimes there isn't.  Go over what [was] said to you.  If there's any truth in it, you'll have to decide what to do with it.  As to the rest, try to let it go.

Some of the note was purely based on assumption.  However, some of the note was truly an outsider's view of what was going on in our family.  I knew what I had to do was take the "truth" written in this note and consider what to do with it.  I truly believe everything that happens to us is for a purpose.  In my heart, I know that this stranger was teaching me something I needed to know that would help me.  It took courage for her to write that note.  She mentioned to Richard, verbally, it was meant in love.  She wrote in the note that her intent was to help, in love.  God was working through this woman to bring something to our attention that we hadn't seen before.  We talked over some things and came up with a solution to the problem we were having.  I prayed that God would take away my anger and bitterness toward this woman, to let me see the good in what she had done.  He did.  By the next day, I was no longer defensive, embarrassed, angry, sad, or doubtful.  I was resolved and thankful.  I am thankful that someone had the courage to speak up early on before the problem (we didn't realize was there) had gotten worse.

Patience, the Virtue I need to Possess

Richard and I were talking a bit on Sunday about some of the challenges that we might face in the coming years.  I remember long before we were married, cataloging a mental list of DOs and DON'Ts for parenting.  These weren't things others had told me, but things I had experienced as a non-parent that I would not want others to have to experience from my children or me, as a parent.  When I'd make a comment about some of the items on this mental list, others would often say, "Just wait until you have kids.  Then you'll understand."  Some of those things, I still don't "understand" because I realize that a lot of things parents let their kids get away with may be "kids being kids", but still are impolite and things you would expect a parent to be embarrassed and discipline their children for.

I feel like, so far, Richard and I agree on reasons for (and methods of) discipline.  What I think we both are going to (and already do) struggle with is being consistent with those methods of discipline.  No matter how tired I am at the end of the day, if Reagan chooses to stand on the furniture, he must be disciplined so that he understands it's not safe to do that.  If I allow him to do it one time without consequence, the point I am trying to make about safety and not standing on furniture will no longer mean anything to him.  The same goes for playing in the dog food and opening cabinet doors in the kitchen.  Consistency is the only way he will understand, but it's also the most challenging thing for me as a parent.  Whenever I'm tempted to let him do something because it's the 15th time in the day that he's done it, I ask myself, "What will I be teaching him, if he's allowed to do it this time?"  I know that he would think, "If I just wear Momma and Daddy out, I can do whatever I want."

Every day, I am reminded that I am no longer an entity unto myself.  I have a husband, child, and dog to whom I have responsibilities.  The day we adopted Rubix, I actually cried.  Not from happiness, but fear.  Richard was perfectly capable of caring for himself, but this dog we were taking home required attention, guidance, and care.  She would not be able to do things without us.  I worried about my ability to be a good "dog mom".  Sounds silly, now that I'm putting this into words, but it was the first time in my life that I was truly responsible for another being.  Adopting Rubix certainly made us less self-centered.  We could no longer stay away from the house for extended periods of time without first checking on and walking her.  Trips away from home meant taking her with us or finding someone to care for her while we were gone.  We now had a dependent.

After having a child, the scariest day for me was the first day at home alone.  My family members stayed with us in shifts for the first week, and Richard was home for half of the second week.  The night before he went back to work, worry and fear set in.  How was I going to take care of myself, a dog, a house, and a baby?  After making it through the first day, then the first week, and then the first month, I started to get the hang of things.

Now, I've started thinking about the future with Reagan and any other children we are blessed to raise.  I know that in the future, it will be important to allow our children to make choices of their own while still living with us, so that we can help guide them, rather than making all the decisions for them.  This is such a terrifying thing for me to think about.  I want our children to be capable of making wise choices while under our roof so when they get out on their own, they will already have that skill acquired.  It's so hard to figure out how to guide without controlling the situation, especially when you don't want to see your children fail and get hurt.  However, I realize that it's more important for them to struggle and fail while we're there to help them pick up the pieces, rather than when they're out on their own completely.

I guess I worry too much about the future.  Something I'm learning is that God truly never gives you more than He knows you can handle.  Being a parent can be awfully frightening when you look at the big picture.  For some reason, when I pictured myself as a parent, I only saw myself as the parent of a newborn up through the toddler stage.  I can't imagine myself as a parent of a preteen, teen, or adult.  Am I the only parent who thinks like this?  Reagan was given to us as a complete dependent.  It is our job to train him how to be independent and hope that he takes what he learns and truly applies it in his life.  I need to stop worrying so much and cast my cares on God.  Please pray for me to increase my patience, maintain my consistency in discipline, and cease worrying about future parenting struggles.  I need to focus on today and worry not about tomorrow!

Eleven and Eight

Today marks eleven months since Reagan entered this world and eight years since my maternal grandfather left it.  I miss Grandpa and wish he would have been able to meet his four great grandsons who have since joined our family, and that they could have been led by his great godly example.  I pray that Reagan will one day aspire to lead his family in such a way that he would make Grandpa proud; that he will qualify and desire to become an elder and shepherd over a congregation somewhere, as Grandpa did... or, maybe he'll desire to preach as his Papa Smotherman did.  Whatever he chooses, I pray that he do it all to God's glory.

All parents have hopes and dreams for their children's success in life.  What is used as this measure of success, though?  Is it financial wealth?  Popularity?  Education?  While I'd never wish to see my children destitute, financial wealth is not what I hope they dream to achieve.  I do not wish to hear that others disdain them, but popularity is not my hope for them either.  And while having knowledge can be powerful, it can also be a catalyst for losing one's faith in the "unknown" because faith lacks the reason that knowledge necessitates.  My dream for my children is that they learn to love God and do what He asks of them, to marry spouses who will help them accomplish this, and to raise their children to do the same. 

Since Reagan's our first child, he's the "experiment".  Fortunately for us, he's the sweetest, most well-natured "experiment" we could have asked for!  Every day, I hug him and kiss him and thank God for one of the best blessings I could have ever received.  Eleven months have gone by entirely too fast.  My little helpless baby has become an independent toddler overnight.  He's able to go farther and do more for himself every day!  He leaves me awe-struck by his intellect, and I can't help but marvel that this little person was once inside of me... he is a little bit of me and a little bit of Richard, rolled into one!

Over the past month, Reagan has accomplished much. 

• He started walking roughly one week after his 10 month birthday, and he doesn't stop!  He's probably only crawling 5-10% of the time, now... and practically running the rest of the time!  He's our little "bruiser" (and has a few to prove it--ha!)... after falling down, he looks around, gets back up, and keeps on going, without even a fuss (unless he's tired).  
• He can now climb onto our chairs in the living room (and he loves to lie down on them, with his leg on the armrest).
• He is now eating anything and everything he can get his little teeth on.  He has 7 teeth now, and I'm positive the 8th one will be through the gums in the next week or so.  The kid eats non-stop all day long, and rarely passes over any food item put in front of him!
• At a weight and height check-up a few weeks ago, he was just over 21 lbs., putting him in the 45th percentile for weight, but he measured 31 inches, putting him in the 99th percentile for height.  Looks like he may be taking after my mom's side of the family with the height measurement!
•  Just this week, he showed us that he can "talk" on the phone just like Momma and Daddy.  While pacing around the room, he carries a toy, my phone, or just presses his own hand up to his ear and jabbers away.  I'll post a video of it as soon as I can!
• He has a weird fascination with a corner to the left of our fireplace.  He sets toys on the fireplace hearth in that corner and tries to balance them upright against the side of the mantle.  He especially likes to do this with these electronic drum sticks he has.  Do we have a savant in training???  
• Words he can say: "Dadda" "Uh-oh" and "Unh, Unh, Unh"... The latter, he mimics after I say it when he's into something he shouldn't be into.  "Momma" has long since been forgotten, but I guess I should enjoy these days when he calls "Dadda" because I know there will be a day I wish for that instead of a constant stream of "MOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!" coming from his mouth.
• We've been kind of inconsistent with signing with Reagan, so his signing vocabulary is a bit limited.  He can sign "All Done" (which is required for him to leave his high chair after meals--otherwise, he throws food on the floor or pulls the top of his tray off and dumps everything on himself),  and sometimes he'll sign "Dog".  "More" isn't used much anymore because everything he wants is on his tray, as he is feeding himself now.
• We visit the library once a week, selecting 10-12 books for Reagan to enjoy, then return the next week for him to pore over new books.  His favorite thing to do at the library is walk up and touch the older kids in the children's section.  He smiles and charges at them, just to say, "Hi!"  He also enjoys pulling the board books and DVDs down and looking through them.  His love of books is obvious in the amount of time he chooses to look at them on his own.  I hope this is a love he will continue to have in the future, and plan to foster it as much as possible by taking him to the library often and reading with him at bedtime and throughout the day.

Father's Day, after Reagan's bath.

I've always loved children, but until I had Reagan, never truly understood what being a mom was all about.  I am so thankful for this sweet little person whose raising has been entrusted to myself and Richard.  He brings so much joy to our lives, and I see so much of Richard in him every day.  I can't help but love a miniature version of my quirky, lovable husband!

Counting My Blessings

Life is full of its ups and downs, but I am quite happy when I look back on what has happened over the past few years... and really have nothing to complain about.

When Richard and I got engaged, it seems like people came out of the woodwork to tell us how "hard" the first year of marriage would be, and that we really needed to make sure we were absolutely certain because it was a very serious decision we were making.  I don't mean to discredit their advice.  In a world where marriage is no longer held in honor and divorce is prevalent, it is important to make sure you choose your spouse carefully.  In our pre-marriage counseling, we talked about different issues that might come up over time... finances, children, spiritual leadership, etc.  It was clear we were "on the same page".  Even though our personalities are different, we both balance each other out.  Sometimes I'm a little too uptight and Richard's a little too relaxed.  Sometimes I'm a little too serious and Richard's a little too flippant.  The great thing is... we agree on the big things, and don't fret too much when we disagree about the little things (like whether or not it's okay to throw food wrappers and soda cans away in the bathroom trash can).  We've never really had a "fight".  Simple disagreements that always end in apologies (and GENUINE apologies) because neither one of us likes to see the other one hurting.

With all that being said, we've made it through nearly 3 years of marriage with no trouble.  Whew.  And guess what?  All those things people told us about how much our lives were going to change (for the worse) after having a child... DIDN'T HAPPEN!  It seems like those same people who told us how hard marriage was going to be were just as pessimistic about having children.  I'm not saying life with a child is always rainbows, unicorns, lollipops and gumdrops.  There have been a few sleep-deprived nights, yucky diapers, and scream-filled car rides... but I can't imagine life without my sweet little man in it.  And when he started crawling... life didn't stop.  Sure, I couldn't leave him on the carpet, run to the bathroom, and come back to find him in the same spot... but I sure have enjoyed watching him learn about the world around him (and getting himself from place to place, so I didn't have to change his location for him).  Now that Reagan's walking, we're enjoying seeing the joy on his face (and the awkwardness in his movements).  Life is good. :)

Happy 9... errr 10 Months!

I failed to post a nine month update.  However, I had this one started.  So, you'll get my nine/ten month update at once.

Nine.  A number that we love...


We dated nine months before getting engaged.
There were nine people standing on the stage during our wedding.
Rubix was nine months old when we adopted her in 2009.
I began my pregnancy in the year 2009 and carried Reagan for nine months.
Our first night in our new house was the ninth day of last May.
Reagan is now nine months old!

Technically, his 9 month birthday came and went without much ado a week month ago today.  Richard's family was in town, so we were busy entertaining and being entertained.  We spent the morning at the aquarium, came home for lunch, and then went to have our picture taken as a family (and others of Reagan with his cousin Samuel).  The rest of the week we... drove to Orlando to spend time with my family on Easter Sunday, spent the night and went to the Magic Kingdom on Monday, spent Tuesday resting and then went to the beach that evening, ate lunch with Richard on Wednesday, and then Reagan had his 9 month check up and we spent time with the family on Thursday.

Now, for the 10 month post:

Reagan is now proficient at...
- saying "Momma" and "Dada"
- clapping
- super-fast crawling
- walking next to the furniture while just barely holding on
- standing with large toys in his hands
- squatting and standing back up without anything to pull up on
- climbing over his tunnel we were using as a barrier to keep him in the living room (He thinks this is especially funny.)
- moving and climbing on top of the empty Atari box to reach things higher up on our entertainment center
- pushing objects while walking behind them
- feeding himself using his hands (The spoon usually ends up on the floor.)
- reading (Haha! Not really, but it sure sounds like he thinks he can read!)

Reagan LOVES...
- playing with his big sister Rubix
- crawling all over the living room
- reading books
- people watching
- when his daddy gets home from work
- playing peek-a-boo
- eating
- finding snacks in his music table's hidden compartment
- EASTER EGGS!
- empty cardboard boxes
- grocery shopping (mostly to people watch)
- playing at the mall playground
- Bible class (especially when he gets to hold the plastic toys)
- LIFE

So... I guess that's my big update.  Can't believe our little guy is only 2 months away from his first birthday!  Where did the time go??  I'm more in love with him every day!  He is so well behaved and laid back.  God has truly blessed us with an excellent child.